When do this candle extinguish

I am a Sanyasi, living amidst of crowed. I have nobody; everybody claims that I belong them. I get up at 4-15 am. After Sandya Vandanam, I cook my food, not only for me but for four or five people, though I have five servants including two maids.Then I take again bath and do Dyanam (meditation) . Then breakfast. I used to wear saffron color dress, on Thursdays, but discontinued recently.

I live in a house which is called Camp Office. That means all my office work are also being done. Files, visitors, meetings etc., I have five cars, not even one belongs to me. I share the office car. I reach office by 9 am. Meetings, files, visitors with prior appointments. Outside meetings conferences, VIPs, problems, brainstorm sessions.

I reach so called home by 7-45 PM. cooking dinner. Eat at 9 PM. Look at files, read books, magazines, write notes. .....then go to bed 11-30 0r mid night. I do not have mobile phone . In office rarely I answer phones. I am not at all comfortable in phone so I shun. I never see television though TV is on always in the house where I live but watched by people in the house.

I collapse on bed, sleep hardly two or three hours.

My Life is so restricted, I do not have freedom and always controlled in the name of security. I can not walk alone. I can not go to films. I have seen last Cinema in 1989. I can not go to restaurant alone, not to speak of shopping at all. I do not have much knowledge of Computer. I depend up on others often. I do not have password. My mail is opened by my Secretaries . Some mails were never shown to me since they feel useless. I get around 80 mail a day. I answer 5 to 8 personally and 10 to 15 answered by staff ; remaining either not answered or deleted. I can not write ; since 40 years I was always dictating and dictating.

Then suddenly field visit, inspections, reviews, public meetings with huge crowds of tens thousands, interviews, with press, meeting leaders, officials, poor people specially tribals. I travel only by car and plane, never by train. In car per month I travel more than 6000 Km per month average. At a stretch some times I cover 1500 Km in car.

I do not earn any thing. I do not have salary nor allowance. At the age of 70s still I work like an horse and take load of work like bull.

I do not know why I am working like this. Some force drive me.

All that know is I helped 2.5 million poorest families to cross over poverty and live with dignity. This gives me sleep of a couple of hours.

Our family astrologer used to tell to my Mother your son do not have another life. He will exhaust all KARMA and say good buy to this world. Let him suffer suffer as much as he can that Liberates him once for all.

My thousands of books are my property

My work is ITHIHAS History

I do not know how long I lead this life

And when this Candle extinguish

I am waiting for final Cal from Him !!!!